Choices

We make choices every day. Everything we do affords us with the opportunity to make a choice. It may seem at times that there is no choice; but you are wrong. There is ALWAYS choice.

These choices are what form our lives - who we are, who we are with (or not with), what we DO. Choice. Simple word, big implication. Option, alternative, selection, preference, pick. Whichever word you CHOOSE, it all has the same meaning.

There are those mistaken bad choices,indicating at once that they should NOT have been made. There are also those bad choices that you KNOW are bad; but choose to make them anyway. Taking a chance that maybe things won't turn out as badly as we think. Usually we are wrong.

It is those choices that I want to talk about today. The known bad choices that we make anyway. Why do you think we do that? And to take it a step further, why is it that we make the same poor choice more than once? Is there an impression that timing will make the outcome different?

Then there is the time in life when you realize that where you are is all because of the choices made at key times during your journey so far. There were forks, or crossroads, or whatever you want to call them - and you took the wrong path. Now that's not to say that there is not a path leading back to the right road; just that the one you are on now is difficult AND IT'S ALL YOUR OWN FAULT!!

What a crappy topic for a Monday. Oh well, at least there were enough good choices in my life to keep me happy on this crap-filled path.

chat soon

xoxo

What is WRONG with me??

So, today is my usual day. I run, run, run and finally land at home around 8:15 p.m. I sit down to do homework (play games and chat on IM) and Dave (resident husband)is up and putzing around. He begins to clean the kitchen from dinner, doing dishes, washing down the counters and stuff, you know, all the regular daily stuff. As I sit here, I can hear him. Dishes clanking, spray cleaner spritzing, walking around the kitchen - and I feel.... not sure what, but SOMETHING odd, like I should get up and THANK HIM FOR WHAT HE'S DOING.

Well, I'm not generally an inconsiderate person (lying here) and I really am compassionate of other peoples feelings (another lie) - I'm just going to stop here; but what I'm trying to say is that if someone does something out of the ordinary, or blesses me when I sneeze - I say thank you, of course.

But as I sat here, listening to all the noises going on in the kitchen, I really had to convince myself not to yell in, Thanks, honey!

Now, my reasoning: He's never thanked me for doing the dishes. Now the problem here is not that he's never thanked me; but why I feel the need to thank HIM. Is it some inbred "June Cleaver Housewife" training? Why do I feel the need to thank my husband for cleaning in his own house? Mind you, he made the damn mess in the first place!!

The clanking and washing is done now and he's safely and somewhat quietly ensconced in his recliner watching something boring; but the feeling lingers. I don't know if I can hold off for the rest of the night.

If I venture to ask him why he never thanks me, it will probably just start a fight - God knows I have no time for that! So I'll just wonder.

Tonight, I was lucky enough to get an hour just for myself. It was a wonderful, peaceful hour in which I SHUT OFF MY CELL PHONE and was effectively unavailable to everyone. It was rare and fantastic! Maybe that's why I'm feeling this intense urge to thank Dave for doing the dishes. Maybe I feel guilt for taking time just for me. Now doesn't that just suck?

I think I'm heading off to bed now to let my mind continue to ponder this thought in my dreams. I'll update if I figure anything meaningful out. Until then...

chat soon.

xoxo

Secrets

My most current dilemma - Secrets. What does one DO with secrets? Sometimes these are juicy, gossip-type things full of shocking facts about someone else. Sometimes these are just rumors. Sometimes the secrets consist of the knowledge of some private fact about someone else.

There are those times, however, when the secret is a good one. You know something GREAT that is about to happen to someone else and you are charged with keeping it to yourself so as not to ruin the surprise.

IT IS SOOOOOOO HARD!!!!! I have managed for almost a day so far. I think I can get through today, and then once that is over... Tomorrow is a given since I have class after work.

The truth HAS to be out by Saturday... I pray..... Ugh! I have to run or else I'll start dropping hints and giving away the nature of my secret...

chat soon.
xoxo

Time

Not Thyme. Time. That which is ticking away as you read this meaningless entry. That which there is never enough. That which is what I would purchase, if only I could. Time.

I am always managing (or not), running out, juggling or wasting it. Time is always there, ticking away towards the day when my time will run out. At least I won't have to worry about time any longer.

If The Big Bang Theory is true, then the universe had a beginning. Does that mean that time also had a beginning? Or could it be that there was an infinite expanse of “empty” time before the universe ever popped up? Could it in fact be that, whether there was a beginning to the universe or not, time itself could not possibly have had a beginning?

Who knows. I do not personally believe in the Big Bang Theory, so for my own purposes, this is not the case. I do believe, however, that time is relative. It means different things to different people.

My mom is retired. For her, time is what she pays attention to when she has to cook dinner. For my two younger kids, time is what they pay attention to so they know when school is over.

I live by time. It rules me. That is not to say I have this huge Timex clock following me all around...... hmmmmmm..... I think I do.....

Anyway, it is essential for me to pay close attention to time in order to get my things done. I have to get up on TIME in order to get my girls up on TIME in order to leave the house on TIME, get them to school on TIME and get myself to work on TIME. I then have to make sure I leave work on TIME so I don't get caught in traffic because I have to be on TIME to get my daughter from school and run home to get Jaime to work on TIME.

What's up with this statement "ON TIME". Time is not something substantial that you can hold; and certainly nothing you can BE ON.

Well, I look at my watch and see the time passing. Is that true? NO!! My watch measures intervals of time, not the motion of time. I can't watch it pass on my watch. We can’t measure the passage of time. Not only can we not measure it, but it does not pass. Our psychological impression of the passage of time is simply an illusion. Is time an illusion? Maybe it was created to control the masses?

I don't know but I've certainly wasted enough of my daily allotment of illusion contemplating the question. Gotta run!

chat soon.

xoxo