Wedgies - Happens to the Best of us.....

It's been a while since my last post. I decided to return to blogging with an interesting, yet seldom discussed, topic.

History of Wedgies

Wedgies are a part of the anals of our history. Its a coming of age ritual. They date back to the Egyptions and have been represented in cave paintings, hyroglyphics and Aztec frescos. Philip of Macedon encouraged his son after a cruel wedgie at school--that boy grew up to be Alexander the Great. They say Michelanglo gave pope Paul the 3rd a wedgie. Also, Henry Duke of Richmond gave one to Richard III during the 1485 battle of Bosworth Feild. Upon the arrest of Alven "Creepy"Karpis in 1936, J. Egdar Hoover hikked Karpis' boxers up to the nape of his neck. Among Presidents, Nixon, Bush and both Roosevelts got wedgies in their youth, while Jackson, Lincon, LBJ and Clinton gave them. Among baseball greats Tye Cobb and Pete Rose were notorious givers of Wegdies.

An anceint Persian wedgie joke c.350 BC goes something like this: A man comes back from the marketplace with 2 black eyes. His wife asks what hapenned. He says "It was crowded and a fat lady on line infront of me had part of her robe in her buttcrack. To be polite I tryed to pluck it out. Then she hit me." The wife asks how did he get the 2nd blackeye. The man says "Since she was upset I then tryed to put it back the way she had it." Clearly the noble wedgie is part of our history and humanity.

Types of Wedgies:

The Classic--we all experienced it

The boy getting it: Shame. Discrace. Anger. The boy giving it: Wrist action. Speed. Grace. The worst part about it -- explaining the skid marks

Hanging wedgie

Generally occurs after a night of heavy drinking with people who are supposed to be your friends. You wake up in the morning hanging from your underwear from a chain-link fence...

Accidental wedgie

Getting out of a car too fast with the seatbelt the wrong way, clipping suspenders to the wrong layer, or running from a tornado and getting caught on the screen door handle--its all the same

Locker room Wedgie

Associated with humiliation, like in The Breakfast Club when Charlie Sheen admitted taping a boys cheeks together after a wedgie. The best part of the movie is when he felt so bad about it afterword he cried.


Power Wedgie

Same as above, but with the Wedgie Master using 2 hands. Usually accompanied by wet towel snaps to the visibly remaining part of the ass.


Fudgie Wedgie

Self explanatory. Any wedgie with an abundance of brown pulpy matter as a result (and not just a regular dry skidmark).


Centrifical Wegdie

The worst of all. When someone hikes up your underwear then sticks their arms out stiff. You are then twirled around and around and around in a circle in front of your tormentor till your feet come off the floor. After 7 or 8 times around you are usually let go - only to fly across the room and land in a heap! Centrifical wedgie was also made popular by Dilbert who calls it a twirling wedgie.

Well, I hope you are all better informed about a subject that is not discussed in depth these days.

Chat soon.

xoxo