I don't know what is wrong with me. I always thought of myself as strong; but lately I just don't know. I have gained a new skill in the past 10 weeks - I can now cry on cue. I can also cry off cue, while driving, while working and while showering. It's amazing, really, to see these changes going on in my life completely out of my control. I don't know what to do.
Perhaps it's time to explore grief counseling. I need to know if this is typical. Is this how it goes? My brother-in-law - the husband of my deceased sister - even told me I have to move on. I think the people in my life are tired of dealing with my constant grief. Hell, I'm tired of it as well, but I'm unable to stop.
"When your parents die, it is said you lose your past; when your spouse dies, you lose your present; and when your child dies, you lose your future. However, when your sibling dies, you lose a part of your past, your present, and your future."
Friday, March 15, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
What is Wrong With Me?
It seems to be getting harder, not easier. I am crying every day. Is this normal? God, I never knew how engrained you were into my everyday life, to my future plans, to everything - until you were gone. I have to figure out how to get through today. Send me support if at all possible, Cheryl. I need help.
Saturday, March 09, 2013
Wishes
I wish I knew, are you ok? Are you at peace? Do you feel all the love from those of us left behind? If I ask you, will you tell me? I wish I knew.
It's Saturday morning, I would always call too early and you would always say it was ok, that you were getting up anyway. It was my favorite time to talk because there weren't many interruptions. We would whine, complain, and laugh about what happened - or DIDN'T happen - during the week. God I miss you.
I wish I had just one more Saturday morning conversation with you. I wouldn't complain. I would tell you how thankful I was to have you in my life. I would tell you how thankful I am to have that special bond that only sisters Share. I am 49 years old and I am not ready to be without my older sister.
I actually dialed your phone number before I caught myself. I miss you and I wish you were here.
It's Saturday morning, I would always call too early and you would always say it was ok, that you were getting up anyway. It was my favorite time to talk because there weren't many interruptions. We would whine, complain, and laugh about what happened - or DIDN'T happen - during the week. God I miss you.
I wish I had just one more Saturday morning conversation with you. I wouldn't complain. I would tell you how thankful I was to have you in my life. I would tell you how thankful I am to have that special bond that only sisters Share. I am 49 years old and I am not ready to be without my older sister.
I actually dialed your phone number before I caught myself. I miss you and I wish you were here.
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