I AM GAGA

Over the hill.  That saying has been around forever and generally is meant for someone hitting a milestone birthday.  Depending on your age, this age could be anywhere from 30 to 50!  Either way you look at it, I’m on the down-slope now.  Time seems to be going by faster on my way down the hill. 

My beautiful grandson is three today.  I can’t believe it.  It was just a minute ago when his mother was born, wasn’t it?  She was just a baby herself, walking around carrying her “guys” (all the Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals).  It’s happening too fast, too fast.  I want to stop time for just a bit – just stay this way for a few years.  I’ll put up with the temper tantrums, I don’t care that you’re not potty trained, just stop growing up!!

I remember clearly the day Jaime told me she was pregnant.  I remember the day we found out the child she carried was a boy.  I remember the second he was born.  I remember waiting along with everyone else to hear what name Jaime chose for her son.  It was just a minute ago, wasn’t it?  He was born on 8/26 at 8:26 am weighing in at a cool 8.26 lbs (no kidding).  He is so smart and such a joy and he brings light, laughter and love to all our lives.  He truly has brought everyone together and I thank God for him every day.  What a blessing.   

 

 

When Kolbe was born I never had a preference for him to call me any particular name meaning grandmother.  I thought maybe grammie would be nice, grandma was fine too.  I wanted to just leave it and see what he began to call me.  Gaga.  I love it.  Some people think it has something to do with Lady Gaga – no way!  While I think she’s fabulous, this name is a special gift given to me by my grandson.  When I go to pick him up from school and he runs across the room yelling GAGA!  at the top of his lungs it fills my heart with joy <3 span="">

 

Three years ago God decided to send an angel to Earth.  This angel was meant to touch lives and he certainly has.  Happy Birthday, my sweet angel.

 

xoxo

 

I MISS MY SISTER

I miss my sister all the time.  Sometimes it gets worse than others.  Tonight was one of those times.  I was sitting here looking at pictures of my son's wedding and BAM!  it slammed me right in the heart.  These times are getting more infrequent; but the severity hasn't decreased.  How long?  Damn it's seven and a half months. 

It's my cousin's birthday today.  He lives in NY and we don't talk all that often.  I sent him a text wishing him a happy birthday and happened to read back over our previous messages.  They went back to the time before my sister passed away.  Then they were of updates on her condition, then the notification.  It tore my heart out to read; and yet I couldn't stop.  I want some tangible sign that she's here with me.  I want to know that SHE knows.  Where the hell is she??

My son was married on Saturday (see previous post); and Cheryl was Mark's godmother.  She was so excited for his wedding, as we all were.  After the wedding we were taking pictures at the reception venue when my mom called out to me to say Cheryl was there.

Cheryl loved butterflies.  I like to think she was there wishing the newlyweds well, showing her love.

xoxo 

My Son, The Man

Happy Birthday, Mark

Today Mark turns 27 years old.  This year his birthday story will take a somewhat different twist.  As I am sure you all know by now, my little boy was married yesterday.  What a beautiful wedding and reception.  There was so much love and joy around the entire weekend it was palpable.  Mark’s wife, my new daughter-in-law, Jennifer, is truly the Yin to his Yang.   Jennifer joined her family to ours and I know that we all will be better for the union.

 

I sat there in the front pew of the Church and watched my son walk out from the sacristy to stand at the end of the aisle awaiting his Jennifer.  I looked at him standing there so proud and excited for this new venture, my heart burst with pride and joy.  There was also a little part that burst knowing my little boy was gone forever.  He’s been gone for some time now of course; but this time it seemed different. 

Before the bridal procession began, while the guests were getting settled, I looked at Mark and his best man standing there and realized they are two men.  Men.  Mark chose his best friends to be in the wedding party.  His best man is his cousin, my god-son, Derek. One of the groomsmen is Geoffrey, another cousin and god-son (we are blessed).  I have been watching these boys play together, fight, have sleep-overs, play video games and generally be each other’s support system for more than 26 years now.  Here is a picture of them cropped out of the middle of all their other cousins, so it’s a little blurry.  You can see by the enthusiastic hugging (Derek on the left, Mark on the right) and Geoffrey right there cheering things on, that they have been close their whole lives (this was Easter, 1991, photo bomb courtesy of Maggie in the front). Below that picture is one of the three of them taken at the wedding rehearsal. 

 

 

 

 

Derek has been married for more than two years now and has a son.  Now Mark is married too.  Geoff will be in the future.  Life moves forward whether you’re ready for it or not.  I am ready in my mind.  My heart will take a little longer to catch up.  It’s ok to have some nostalgia.

Mark entered this world gently and has been gentle his whole life.  He is a sensitive and caring person, and always has been.  He is thoughtful of others feelings and will never deliberately hurt anyone else.  One year ago I was writing about how excited was that by your next birthday you will be married.  Today I can say that I am excited to be part of your extended family as we watch your new family form and GROW.  As I said at that time, I have always wanted 11 children.  You have helped me move towards attaining my personal goal by bringing me another daughter (grandchildren count towards that number). 

Now it’s time for me to sit back and watch.  I can offer support and advice when asked; but my role now is one of support.  I get the joy of watching you live your life, begin your own family, buy a house – all that fun stuff!  I am so excited for you and Jennifer and I love you both with all my heart.  I wish you nothing but happiness and love.

Today I wish you the happiest 27^th birthday as you leave on your honeymoon.  I mean, how bad can it be when you’re on your honeymoon with your beautiful wife in Aruba!!  Have a great time!  Remember to call your momma sometime <3 .="" span="">

 

xoxo

Love you bunches!

Love, Momma