Two Ways To Look at Things

I am still reading The Kitchen God's Wife and just this morning came across another interesting thought process.

There are two ways to look at life: The way it happened, and the way it had not. This came up in the book when the mother was thinking of the man she refused to marry when she was sixteen. She was in China and this was the custom, marry young to a man chosen for you by your family. She made a ruckus in her community by refusing to marry the man chosen for her. She went on to marry another - and then another (don't know why yet - haven't gotten that far); but this is not the issue. Her current husband was a minister at their church; and one Sunday while greeting parishiners after the service she met the new man and woman who had moved into town. This couple was referred to just as the "rich doctor and his lovely wife". Well, of course, it turns out to be the dude she refused to marry.

She began thinking about the way things were, and the way they were not. What would have happened if she had chosen the other path and did not refuse to marry this man? Would she now be the rich wife? She said from that point on she began to think of things the way it happened, and the way it had not.

Interesting theory? How many of us do just this same thing in our lives now? I know I have. If only I had done this or had not done that, how things would be different. Well, rest assured, it is much easier to see things after the fact than during.

If I had gone to college after high school, I'd be set in my career now instead of trying to work AND go to college while raising my family. If I had stuck with my job at the hospital, I'd be that much closer to retirement now. If I sold my house after my divorce, we'd probably be in a bigger, nicer one now.

Well there are lots and lots of coulda's (as my husband calls 'em). What gets me through life looking forward and being happy (relative term) is knowing that everything happens for a reason and if any of those 'what ifs' had happened then something that I have in my life now may not be there.

Would I be willing to give up anything I have now for the potential of more in another area? Ummm, no. What would I choose? One of my kids? NOT! My house? No way - I love where I live. I hate the taxes and the houses are too close together; but I still love it. How about my dog? Well, now there you got me. I just may consider it; but in doing so I'd probably lose all my kids and my husband because they love him to pieces. So I guess I'd choose no to the Jake disappearing show as well.



So, although I sit around somedays (usually pre-menstrual) and wallow in self-pity about what could have been; I know in my heart that I am exactly where I need to be right now in my life.